Another Analog Monday

Ricky : “Mom? You know that credit card with my picture on it that you have?”
Me : “Yeah..”
Ricky : “There’s a 3 digit number on the backside… I think I know what it is.. Could you read it off to me to see if I’m right??”
Me : “Noooo.. I’m not giving you the security code for my credit card on Cyber Monday!”
Ricky : “Wait, what?? It’s Cyber Monday??! How did I not know this??”
Me : “You knew… You saw your sisters shopping earlier..”
Ricky : “How come they get to shop and I don’t??!”
Me : “Because they’re older and they can be trusted to stay under a certain dollar amount!”
Ricky : “That’s harsh.. I was just gonna buy a family gift… There’s a classic car Dad wants.. It’s got room enough for all of us!”
Me : “Annndddd you’ve proved my point!”

Quarantine Sunday

Ricky : “We do this same thing every Sunday, so how come it feels different this time??”
Me : “When you’re told you can’t go out it makes you a little stir crazy.”
Ricky : “Well technically you and me weren’t told that.. WE didn’t travel anywhere…”
Me : “True.”
Ricky : “So you’re saying that WE could go shopping if we wanted to??”
Me : “WE could…. But we’re not. Solidarity.”
Ricky : “Grrrrrr…”

Fiery Sun But It’s Still Cold

Ricky : “Mom came home from work today and the light was so pretty, she threw this dress on me and dragged me outside to get a picture… She didn’t even care that it was cold out and that I should probably be wearing a coat!”
Me : “Sometimes we have to suffer for our art..”
Ricky : “WE? YOU had a sweater on!”
Me : “Oh yeah. I forgot I had one on… I’m still a bit chilled..”
Ricky : “My forearms are naked, Mother.. I am more than ‘a bit’ chilled..”
Me : “The picture came out nice though.”
Ricky : “Yeah.. I guess so.”

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Ricky : “The dogs had to go outside to go pee and I told Mom I could bring them out by myself because I’m big.. I didn’t realize how dark it was… It’s not even dinnertime yet.. Our yard is fenced in so I don’t think there’s anything out here besides me and the dogs… But what if someone quietly opened the latch and came in or they have super long legs and they could just step over the fence??!!!”
Me : “Ricky! I’m watching out the window!”
Ricky : “AHHHHHH!!!!! HOLY CRAP, MOM!! YOU SCARED ME HALF TO DEAF!!”
Me : “It’s half to DEATH, not deaf!”
Ricky : “Ohhhhhh.. It still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense..”
Me : “Yeah. I know.”

Giving Thanks

Ricky : “Today we are thankful for our close family and for smoke detectors that say ‘FIRE’ when Mom cooks..”
Me : “RICKY!”
Ricky : “You smoked up our whole house, Mom! The dogs were scared!”
Me : “I didn’t do it on purpose. Now I know that the sweet potato soufflé can be really bubbly, I’ll make sure I don’t fill the pan so high.. It was just the butter bubbling over that smoked the house up. It’s not like anything caught on fire!!”
Ricky : “This time, Mom. This time.”

Sweet Potato Soufflé

Ricky : “You never made this before… Do you know what you’re doing, Mom?”
Me : “I think so. I’ve got my mom’s recipe card.. The only thing she left out was how many servings it makes… I’m realizing now that she must have doubled the recipe.. I had to run out and get more sweet potatoes.”
Ricky : “This is my favorite thing to eat. It’s not a Holiday unless we have sweet potato soufflé. I hope it turns out really good, because if it doesn’t everyone is going to cry because Grandma didn’t make it…”
Me : “It’ll be good. We won’t cry over the soufflé… We’ll cry because it’s our first Thanksgiving without your Grandma.”

Code Enforcement Officer

Ricky : “Mom.. I’m gonna hang out outside the library while you work today.. Okay?? If I see people doing bad stuff out here, I’ll yell at them! NO DONATIONS IN THE BOOK DROP! KEEP YOUR MASK ON! NO SMOKING IN THE GARDEN!! PANTS ARE NOT OPTIONAL!!”
Me : “We really haven’t had a problem with people not having their pants on…..”
Ricky : “Well we can’t rule that out.. 2020 has been crazy!”
Me : “True.” **sigh**

Netflix and Chill

Ricky : “Egg. What do you want to watch?”
Egg the Elephant : “Perhaps there’s something educational we could watch?”
Ricky : “Like a crime show..?”
Egg the Elephant : “How is a crime show educational, Ricky?!”
Ricky : “It shows you what NOT to do…”
Egg the Elephant : “I already know not to do a crime! I don’t need a show to tell me that.. You shouldn’t either!”
Ricky : “I know…… but if I wanted to do a crime, you would never catch me…”
Egg the Elephant : …

UnStuffed

Ricky : “Dad is out of the house for the day, so Mom is cleaning their room and getting rid of all his stuff!!”
Me : “I am not getting rid of ALL his stuff!”
Ricky : “Some of his stuff??”
Me : “Yeah. Some of HIS stuff.. Some of MY stuff. We’ve got too much stuff..”
Ricky : “I didn’t know you had wood floors in here..”
Me : “It was hidden under all of our stuff!”

Probably Not Berry Good

Ricky : “These berry-like things appeared on this tree-like thing this year. We’ve never noticed them before…”
Me : “Yeah. I think that tree-like thing started out as a Euonymus shrub… It’s completely engulfed our wooden fence post.”
Ricky : “That’s not a tree trunk under there?”
Me : “Nope..”
Ricky : “Can I eat these berries??”
Me : “I wouldn’t.”