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Spelling Bee


Egg : “How do you spell Elephant??”
Ricky : “E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t.”
Egg : “That’s not how the dictionary spells it!!”
Ricky : “You didn’t ask me how the dictionary spells it!!”

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Getting Some Sun

Egg the Elephant : “This little Sonny Angel boy has a brown head!! Boy, why is your head so brown?!!”
Sonny Angel : “I’m not wearing bronzer!! I have a tan! This is my natural color!”
Daisy : “No one said you were wearing bronzer..”
Ricky : “He’s getting a little testy, isn’t he?!! Hahaha!! Get it??! Because he has no pants on!! Testy. Like testicl..”
Me : “RICKY!! STOP!”

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Big Bird!!


Ricky : “Mom…. There is a very big bird up in that tree!”
Me : “That’s a vulture.”
Ricky : “It’s sort of creepy looking… What do they eat?”
Me : “They eat dead things.. Sometimes small animals… Sometimes children..”
Ricky : “No they don’t! Stop scaring me!!”
Me : “Okay… I lied.. They only eat two of those things..”
Ricky : “MOM!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!”

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Sonnyman or Snowangel??


Ricky : “Uhhh.. Egg?? While we admire your attempt at building a snowman…”
Lupita : “We think you should stick to just using snow when you build them, okay?.”
Ricky to Lupita : “Should we be worried about this??”
Lupita : “I don’t know…”

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Snow!!


Ricky : “That’s a lot of snow, Mom! How many feet are there in a shit ton??”
Me : “RICKY!! Don’t swear!!”
Ricky : “..but I heard YOU say that we had a shit ton of snow when you were on the phone with Grandma! YOU SAID IT!!”
Me : “Uhhh… Right now there’s about a foot of snow in a shit ton, and it’s still coming down…”
Ricky : “What comes after shit ton?”
Me : “I don’t know… Probably more swear words..”

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A New Guy


Ricky : “Mom. There’s a little elephant guy in our yard!”
Me : “He arrived from NYC today. Our friend Lauren sent him to live with us. Isn’t he cute?!”
Ricky : “He is!! What’s his name??! He needs a name.. I don’t want to keep calling him little elephant guy..”
Me : “What about E.G.?”
Ricky : “Ohhh.. I see what you did there.. E.G. for Elephant Guy. Yeah.. I’m too lazy to say an E and a G. I’m just gonna call him Egg for short.”
Me : “Egg the Elephant?”
Ricky : “Yeah. You got a problem with that??!”
Me : “Nope.”

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Schrödinger’s Store


Ricky : “Oh. My. GOSH! MOM!! The name of that place is Peas and PICKLES!!! They’ve got a whole store filled with peas and pickles!!!! LET’S GO IN!!!!!
Me : “It’s just a grocery store, Ricky.. I’m sure they have other stuff besides peas and pickles…”
Ricky : “But do you really know that??! Have you ever been in there in your life??!!”
Me : “No. I haven’t.”
Ricky : “So if we don’t go inside, we are both right, right?! The store is a regular grocery store AND it’s filled with just peas and pickles!”
Me : “My head hurts..”