Aside

Birthday Dinner at Grandma’s House

Ricky : “Today is Grampa’s birthday. He’s 93 years old! Every year we get him scratch off lottery tickets and he sits and scratches them all off! YOU AREN’T GOING TO HAVE ANY TO SCRATCH OFF FOR TOMORROW, GRAMPA MILT!!!”
Grampa Milt : “WHHAAATT???!”
Ricky : “I SAID DON’T SCRATCH THEM ALL!! SAVE SOME FOR TOMORROW!!”
Grampa Milt : “SHADDUP!! I COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW!!”
Ricky : “Well okay then… Scratch away, old man.”

Ricky : “Grandma made us go through stuff again! Every time we go to her house, we have to go through stuff and bring things home! Aunt Carolyn found her glass animal collection in the attic. So many of the animals have broken legs… and heads!! Aunt Carolyn, did they get broken in the attic??”
Aunt Carolyn : “No.. They were broken before…”
Ricky : “And you saved them? Why did you save them if they’re broken??”
Aunt Carolyn : “Because they’re so cute! LOOK!” **holds tiny animal head in her hand**
Ricky : “Bleh!”

Ricky : “I like these glass animals! Especially the duck butt!!”
Me : “These ones have always been my favorite, too. I could never touch them though… Aunt Carolyn always knew if I touched them…”
Ricky : “Were you covered in dirt all the time?? Like Pigpen from Charlie Brown?? How would she know if you touched them??!”
Me : “I don’t know how she knew but she did.. It was eerie!”

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Hurry Up and Wait

Ricky : “Is it ready yet?? My cup is ready..”
Me : “No! For the twentieth time, It’s NOT ready. It’s cold brewed coffee! It takes at least twelve hours to brew!”
Ricky : “How is this an upgrade from our Keurig??!! That one was like magic! BAM! There’s your coffee!!”
Me : “This makes better coffee,  and it’s better for the environment. AND grinding the coffee with the hand grinder is sort of like exercise…”
Ricky : “Yeah.. Sure.. You’ll be whining soon that your arm hurts..”
Me : “Shhh..”
Ricky : “It’s true!”
Me : “I know, but shush!”

Aside

The Dover Carnival

Ricky : “Tonight  we went to the Dover Carnival. This carnival raises money for the Town of Dover’s Fire Department,  J.H. Ketcham Hose Company Inc. We don’t have paid firefighters in our town. Everything is volunteer. They are always looking for more Volunteers, right Mom?!”
Me : “Yes they are!”

Ricky : “These were the only games I could play. I wanted to play bingo but I’m too young! They would arrest me and throw me in the slammer!!”
Me : “I don’t know that they would throw you in jail but it is illegal for anyone under 18 to play bingo in NY because it’s considered gambling..”
Ricky : “That’s stupid!”

Ricky : “I would totally ride on that but the guy in charge of the ride looks a little sketchy…”

Ricky : “This is Dawn. She’s very nice. She told me several times she’s my #1 fan.”
Me : “She did not say that..”
Ricky : “Shhh!! Mom!! I want them to think I have a rabid stalker fan like Kathy Bates in Misery..”
Me : “OMG..”

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A Wiener Wednesday Wacking??

Ricky : “Mom..? If I dropped this Sonny Angel on the floor do you think Dallas would eat him?!”
Me : “What do YOU think??!”
Ricky : “I’m going to hold onto him really tight but if he gets fresh I may accidentally drop him on purpose!”
Me : “Sounds like a good plan.”

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Ricky and the Seven Dwarves

Me : “Hey Ricky, who are your new friends?”
Ricky : “From the left this is Shy Guy, Achoo, Giggles, Dingbat, Four Eyes, Bags, and Crab Ass.”
Me : “Uhhh.. I don’t think that’s really their names!”
Ricky : “Mom. I can call them whatever I want! They called ME a Ho!”
Me : “I don’t think they called you a Ho…”
Ricky : “They said ‘Hi, Ho!’ I heard them!”
Me : “That’s just a song they sing when it’s off to work they go…”
Ricky : “Ohhhhh….”

Aside

We Went to Kent

Ricky : “Today we are visiting Kent, Connecticut. It’s an artsy, fartsy town..”
Me : “RICKY!! Don’t say that!”
Ricky : “But it is!!”
Me : “I know it is but you aren’t supposed to tell everyone that!”

Ricky : “Is this a llama or a giraffe?”
Me : “It’s short like a llama but I think it’s a giraffe because of the antenna looking things on its head..”
Ricky : “Giraffes have antennas??!”
Me : “I said antenna looking things… Not actual antennas. Giraffes have something on their heads… I don’t know what they are..”
Ricky : “And are they metal?? This one is metal..”
Me : “I know this one is metal! You know this is a sculpture and not an actual animal right?!
Ricky : “Ohhhhhhh…. Yeah… I knew that.”

Ricky : “This is the Cheese Market. Dad told Grandma to go inside and to ask them who cuts the cheese. He said for her to ask them if SHE could cut the cheese. Dad says Grandma is a master at cutting the cheese. Mom, Dad and my sister Paige all thought that was very funny and they laughed and laughed.. Why was that funny, Mom? I don’t see anything funny about cutting the cheese..”
Me : “Ohhhh.. Well… Cutting the cheese can be very funny.. Or embarrassing.. It depends on who is near you at the time..”
Ricky : “WHAAT??! You’re confusing me..”
Me : “Hey!! Look over there!! A book store!! Let’s go..”

Ricky : “Do think my book is in there??”
Me : “I doubt it’s in there.. I don’t think they know it exists..”
Ricky : “How about each of us goes in there, one at a time, and asks for it. They’ll see there’s a demand for it and they’ll order a hundred copies!”
Me : “I think that sounds a little suspicious..”
Ricky : “We could wear disguises!!”
Me : “Yeah. That won’t look suspect at all..”

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Full of Hot Air

Ricky : “Today Mom brought me to the Hudson Valley Hot-Air Balloon Festival to scare the crap out of me with a scary balloon!! Look at him!! He’s gonna eat me!!”
Me : “He’s not going to eat you..”
Ricky : “He’s going to pop and fall down and smother me!!”
Me : “No he isn’t!!”
Ricky : “He’s got flames going up his butt, Mom! He’s the devil!!”
Me : “Omg! There are flames because he’s a hot air ba…. Eh, you know what?! Nevermind. He IS the devil and he’s going to eat you.”
Ricky : “MOM! STOP!”