Down by the River

Ricky : “Hello kids!! My name is Ricky Barto Jr. and I am a part-time student at the Matt Foley School of Motivational Speaking!! I am 35 years old.. I am divorced.. and I live in a van down by the river! Now, you kids are probably saying to yourself, “Now, I’m gonna go out, and I’m gonna get the world by the tail, and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!!” Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you’re not gonna amount to Jack Squat!! You’re gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese, and living in a van down by the river! Now, young lady, what do you want to do with your life?”
Lupita : “I wanna be a songwriter.”
Ricky : “We-e-e-elll.. la-de-freakin’-da! We’ve got ourselves a songwriter here! [jumps across the room.. looks at Rhino Sonny] Hey! Wiener guy!! I can’t see real good.. [lifts her glasses off and on her face] that Taylor Swift over there?”
Rhino Sonny : “I don’t know her name…I’m new here…”
Hazel : “That’s Lupita, Ricky… Did you hit your head??”
Me : “RICKY! No more Saturday Night Live reruns for you!!”
Ricky : “C’mon Mom!! I didn’t get to the part where I break the coffee table yet!!”

Inspired by and partially stolen from SNL.


Rebus Ricky

Ricky : “MOM! Read that shirt!”
Me : “I love barbecue!”
Ricky : “Are you suuuure…??”
Me : “Uhhh, wait.. That’s NOT a heart.. I thought it was a heart.. I barbecue barbecue??”
Ricky : “Mom!! You are a derp! It says I GRILL barbecue!!”
Me : “Omg… I’m such an idiot..”


Thank You Gifts

Ricky : “Mom… Claire drawed these pictures for you and gave me this bear??”
Me : “Yes she did! Wasn’t that sweet?! She asked for my help with one of her Blythes and insisted on giving us gifts when I said I wouldn’t charge her. I love them!”
Ricky : “I love them, too! That picture looks just like me, and I knew the other was Penelope right away!! Penelope always asked permission before she jumped up on the couch and Claire’s drawing shows how she would put her arm up and pat the couch! She was the most politest dog ever”
Me : “She was. I miss her and Sophie..”
Ricky : “I do too.. Hey!! I’m gonna name this bear Cupcake!!”
Me : “Perfect!!”
Me & Ricky : “Thank you Claire!!



Ricky : “This library is much bigger than our library at home..”
Me : “Yeah. The New York Public Library is huge.”
Ricky : “Hey, does it look like I’m wearing the Chrysler building as a hat??”
Me : “Hmm. It looks more like a tiara…”
Ricky : “Cool.”


Ricky’s Red Tractor

Ricky : “My tractor’s here and I’m ready to ride!”
Me : “Where did that tractor come from??!”
Ricky : “Did you see those farmer guys at the fair?? They had lots tractors and they had signs on them that said 0% interest and that you could take years to pay..”
Me : “uhhhhh, yeah. I saw those guys…”
Ricky : “And remember when you went to go pee and left me with Dad..? Well, Dad was looking at his phone and not paying attention, so went I over and bought this tractor! We have 6 years to pay it off. I’m figuring I’ll have a job by then… maybe..”


The Ferris Wheel

Ricky : “Ehhhhh… I think I changed my mind about that ride, Mom.”
Me : “Seriously??! It’s all you talked about in the car on the way here!”
Ricky : “Yeah.. I didn’t realize how high it was. That’s really high… What if a bird flies into my face and I get scared and I accidentally fall out! Plus, I don’t think there’s seatbeats!!”
Me : “You don’t need seatbelts. It doesn’t go fast. Just sit still. I think you can sit still for a few minutes..”
Ricky : “Wow. I’d like to see YOU sit still with a bird flying into YOUR face!!”
Me : “omg.”


Some Stuff We Did

At The Mall with Paige - 238/366

Ricky : “Today we did many things! The first thing we did was pick up Paige at her college and bring her to the mall to get her hair washed. I don’t understand why she can’t wash her own hair!! That’s just lazy, I think..”
Me : “She DOES wash her own hair!! She’s getting her hair CUT.”
Ricky : “Is she cutting it all off?? I don’t know if she has the right shaped head for baldness….”
Me : “Omg! She’s getting it trimmed!! She won’t be bald.”
Ricky : “Whew!”

Shopping with Gillian - 238/366

Ricky : “After we dropped Paige back at her school, we met up with Gillian at a store. She was buying things for her apartment. I saw this and said it looked like Soapy with glasses on. Gillian said it looked nothing like Soapy, but I think she just said that because she misses Soapy..”
Me : “I think it looks like Soapy, too.”
Ricky : “Right?! Sort of like Soapy meets The Buggles!”
Me : “Hahaha! Yes!”

Visiting Gillian's College - 238/366

Ricky : “We also went to Gillian’s College to pick up her books. She got an email yesterday that said ‘ready for pickup’ but they weren’t ready today, were they Mom?!! Tell ’em how you yelled at the lady!!”
Me : “I didn’t yell at anyone!! Gillian waited in line to get them and when she got to the front they told her should couldn’t pick hers up. They were filling all of the older orders first. Today was moving in day and they were a bit frazzled. They told her to go see the book store manager. So Gillian hunted that person down and said she wanted her books. They told her to come back tonight or tomorrow! That’s when I said, ‘What if she isn’t a resident staying in the dorms?? I drove an hour to get here!’ and then Gillian told them the next time she’ll be back on campus is on Monday when class starts and that she really would like to have her books BEFORE then. The lady went into the back, there was some yelling back there.. and then she came out with Gillian’s books!”
Ricky : “And NOW tell everyone about your lie!!”
Me : “It wasn’t a lie really… Your sister is NOT staying at the dorm, and while I did drive an hour to get there, Gillian actually lives right around the corner from the campus. The thing is they shouldn’t send an email saying ‘ready for pickup’ if they aren’t ready to give it to you!”
Ricky : “Momma Bear!! RAWR!!”