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Mail Day from the UK!

Ricky : “Mom redid a doll for Aunt Mel, and she wouldn’t take any money for it. Instead Aunt Mel gave Mom an Etsy gift certificate. That certificate was burning a hole in Mom’s pocket so she set her alarm for 5am the other day, and she bought two sleeping bag carriers from Michelleloveslola!”
Me : “I wasn’t sure if I really bought them or if I dreamed it, lol!”
Ricky : “Oh you bought them alright!! They’re super comfy!! Can you put me in the other one now??”
Me : “Ricky! Enough! You keep going back and forth between the two carriers!!”
Ricky : “I am breaking them in, Mother!”
Me : “I don’t think that’s really necessary..”
Ricky : “Can you just unbutton me please??”
Me : “Hold on..” ((walks away indefinitely))
Ricky : “MOM!!”

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Ricky the Reviewer

Ricky : “Today we are reviewing this jug of Bundaberg Root Beer that Dad brought home. It’s not a jug really… but doesn’t it look huge next to us??!!”
Egg : “Especially next to me!! And I’m an elephant!!”
Ricky : “Right?! Anyways… this Bundaberg Root Beer is from Australia. It’s got some ingredients in it… There’s cane sugar, ginger root, licorice root, sarsaparilla root, molasses….”
Egg : “WHAAATT??!! MOLE ASSES??!! EWWWW!!”
Ricky : “MOLASSES!!! One word!! It’s a brown sticky stuff people cook with..”
Me : “Ricky.. Did you like the Bundaberg Root Beer?”
Ricky : “Yeah. It tastes pretty good. I wouldn’t buy a ticket to Australia to go get some.. but if I was already there, I would buy a bottle… If you were paying..”

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Silence of the Potatoes

Ricky : “I think you have enough potatoes Mom… I’m gonna keep this one. It’s shaped like a heart!”
Me : “Ohh. It IS shaped like a heart! You can’t really save a potato though, Ricky.. It’ll rot.”
Ricky : “I’m not gonna save it, Clarice… I’m gonna eat this heart with some fava beans and a nice chianti!! FTHPTHPTHPFTHP!!!”
Me : “OMG!! That Hannibal the Cannibal quote is referring to an actual liver, not a heart-shaped potato!!”
Ricky : “Are any of these potatoes shaped like a liver then??”
Me : “Ew! I have no clue! And don’t call me Clarice!!”
Ricky : “Okay, Agent Starling.. FTHPTHP!!”

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Happy Buttlated Valentine’s Day!!

Ricky : “Mom.. I got this Valentine’s Day card from Christin and Steve yesterday… It had some pictures in it and I got them all ready to hang up, but now I can’t find them!! I think we were robbed!!”
Me : “Hahaha.. I don’t think we were robbed..”
Ricky : “Well. They are nowhere to be found! I am flummoxed!!”
Me : “Did you already put the poster putty on them? That stuff is super sticky..”
Ricky : “I did! It’s very sticky!”
Me : “Could you have sat on one of the pictures perhaps?”
Ricky : “There’s one stuck to my butt, isn’t there??!!”
Me : “Yup.”