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Toilet Paper for Daysssss!

Ricky : “My sister Paige is all about helping people and the environment. For Christmas all the gifts on her list, and the ones she bought for others, also gave back in some way. The other day she told my mom we needed to check out this toilet paper company. It’s called Who Gives A Crap. This toilet paper is made from 100% recycled paper and they donate 50% of their profits to help build toilets and improve sanitation in the developing world.”
Me : “It’s also super soft and wrapped in such pretty paper!”
Ricky : “I checked their site and they wrap the rolls in the pretty paper to keep them moisture free and hygenic!”
Me : “We could totally reuse these wrappers in gift bags instead of tissue paper!”
Ricky : “Yup! Lots of people do!! By the way, we totally have nothing to do with this company and we don’t want to sound all commercially!! We just wanted everyone to know about our cute toilet paper.”
Me : “If anyone wants to know more, here’s their U.S. web site, us.whogivesacrap.org

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Grumpelstiltskin

Ricky : “How’s it goin’ there, Grumpelstiltskin??!”
Sad Girl : “Eh… Things could be better… And you know that’s not my name Ricky…”
Ricky : “I know. I think it suits you though.. So what happened?? Why are you here for surgery? Did you have a face-first run-in with some high grit sandpaper??”
Sad Girl : “I don’t really remember.. I just remember thinking that my lips felt super chapped… Maybe I just need some lip balm…?”
Ricky : “Lip balm? I really don’t think lip balm is going to help you very much…”
Sad Girl : “You don’t think so?? Awwwww….”
Ricky : “Nooo. Lip balm won’t do much… My mom will though! She’ll make you feel like yourself again!”
Sad Girl : “I hope so.”
Ricky : “She will! She’s just got to get off her butt and get to work! The patient ahead of you has been waiting forever!! HURRY UP, MOM!! STOP BINGE WATCHING NETFLIX!! YOU’VE GOT TWO PATIENTS HERE!! ”
Me : “GAH!! Hold on!! I just need to finish this one series!”
Ricky to Sad Girl : “She does great work, she’s just easily distracted!”
Sad Girl : **sighs**

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Happy Mail Day

Ricky : “We got a belated Valentine’s Day card from our friends Christin and Steve! Steve is a dinosaur and Christin is NOT a dinosaur!”
Me : “Correct! Christin is NOT a dinosaur!”
Ricky : “Will she be one next month when it’s her birthday??!!”
Me : “Absolutely not! She’s a few years younger than me..”
Ricky : “So she’s almost a dinosaur…?”
Me : “NO!”

Aside

Furry and Fabulous Part Two

Furry and Fabulous

Ricky : “He’s been watching me like a hawk, but now he’s finally asleep! I can’t make my escape!!”

Furry and Fabulous

Ricky : “Oh crap!! He’s awake!! I’M PLAYIN’ DEAD!! DEAD AS A DOORKNOB!! GO AWAY, DALLAS!! I’M NOT ONE OF YOUR TOYS!”
Me : “You’re awfully loud for someone playing dead..”
Ricky : “Ahhh.. Would you keep your commentary to yourself and HELP ME??!!”
Me : “yeah… just a second..”

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Furry and Fabulous

Ricky : “This is my outfit I got for Christmas from my Dad… I think I look awesome! Dallas thinks I look like one of his stuffed toys!! See where my fur is stickin’ up?? That’s where Dallas sniffed me!”
Dallas :

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Show and Tell

Ricky : “This is my doll… Her name is Nonos.”
Me : “Why is her name Nonos??!”
Ricky : “Because she’s got NO NOSE!!”
Me : “She sort of has a nose..”
Ricky : “No. Not really.. I almost named her Crackhead because her head is cracked..”
Me : “Okay.. Yeah.. Nonos is a good name.”
Ricky : “Thanks.”

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It Was Sunny An Hour Ago…

Ricky : “This is Ricky, reporting live from Upstate NY where we’re having Snowsquall 2019!! Snow is hitting me in the eye and I do not like it!! Back to you in the studio, Mom! HURRY UP AND PULL ME IN FROM THE WINDOW!!!”
Me : “That’s your whole report??”
Ricky : “Yeah. They get the gist..”