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Town Fair Tire

Ricky : “Today we went with my sister Paige to the tire shop. She had to get her nuts tightened… Mom..?”
Me : “If you’re going to say anything remotely off-color about your sister and her ‘nuts’ I don’t want to hear it!!”
Ricky : “Ehhhhhh… You got me!”
Me : “I know how you think!”
Ricky : “Do you also know that I’m tired? That being here is very tiresome?  Also, I think I’m wearing the wrong attire for this tire shop!”
Me : “You’re punny..”
Ricky : “One day I’ll retire and I’ll be punny all the time!!”
Me : *groans*

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Or Maybe She’s a Pirate in Lederhosen..?

Ricky : “Isa? Who’s this kid??”
Isa : “I don’t know, Ricky!! I thought she was with you!”
Ricky : “She looks like an 80s’ kid.. Maybe she’s looking for Blythecon Brooklyn..?? They’re doing an 80s’ theme..”
Isa : “Maybe… She’s a little bit early though.. That’s not until October..”
Ricky : “KID! You’re early and you’re in the wrong place! Donations are coming here, not people! Brooklyn is two hours away by car, but if you start walking now, you’ll make it by October! BYE!!”
Isa : “That’s a little harsh Ricky..”
Ricky : “I’m stressed Isa!! That convention is coming up really fast!!”

Aside

Hunting the Elusive Kenner Blythe

Ricky : “Today we are at the Elephant’s Trunk Flea Market in New Milford, Connecticut. HGTV comes here sometimes and films the show Flea Market Flip.. They aren’t here today though, right Mom?”
Me : “Yeah. They aren’t here today. I’ve never seen them here actually..”
Ricky : “So maybe they’re lying, you think??!”
Me : “Nooo, lol! They aren’t lying. I’ve seen the episodes where they’ve been here! We’ve just never been here when they were filming..”

Ricky : “Today we’re looking for a Kenner Blythe, but all we’re finding is crap!”
Me : “Omg.. It’s not crap! It’s just not what we want!”
Ricky : “Because we don’t want crap!”
Me : “Well, yeah.. I really don’t want crap..”

Ricky : “Daddy is looking at the knock-off sunglasses.. Daddy never learns, does he?!”
Me : “I think he’s learned.. He won’t buy a pair. I keep bringing up the fake Ray Bans he bought at the dollar store that made him see double..”

Ricky : “What the heck are those things??!”
Me : “Uhhhh.. We used to hang them in our bedrooms when we were kids… They were cool..”
Ricky : “Yeah.. Sure they were..”

Ricky : “Okay… I’m actually liking these big metal flowers!”
Me : “They are sort of neat.”

Ricky : “Look at this guy comin’ over here??! Mr. Wheeler Dealer! Let me talk to him!! Pretend you’re a ventriloquist!!”
Me : “Okay!”

Ricky : “Uhhhh… Nevermind.. Let’s not do the ventriloquist thing… Someone here is NOT a fan..”

Ricky : “Do you have something old? Is it metal?? Bring it to the flea market!! Some moron will buy it!”
Me : “RICKY!!”
Ricky : “It’s true!!”

Ricky : “CHEEZITS?!! WHY??!!”
Me : “They are probably expired..”
Ricky : “There’s also a sign that says ’empty boxes 4 sale’…. This booth is strange on so many levels..”

Ricky : “Lunch boxes.”
Dad : “I remember these! They would come with gum..”
Me : “No they didn’t!! They came with a thermos, not gum! Why would you think they came with gum??! Baseball cards came with gum, not lunchboxes..”
Dad : “Mine came with gum..”
Me : “Your mother probably slipped that gum in there.. She felt sorry for you..”
Dad : “Maybe..”
Ricky : “Wow Mom…”
Me : “All I know is mine never had gum!”

Ricky : “We didn’t buy a darn thing here except a $5 lemonade that Mom had to have!”
Me : “It was hot and I was thirsty..”

Aside

Birthday Dinner at Grandma’s House

Ricky : “Today is Grampa’s birthday. He’s 93 years old! Every year we get him scratch off lottery tickets and he sits and scratches them all off! YOU AREN’T GOING TO HAVE ANY TO SCRATCH OFF FOR TOMORROW, GRAMPA MILT!!!”
Grampa Milt : “WHHAAATT???!”
Ricky : “I SAID DON’T SCRATCH THEM ALL!! SAVE SOME FOR TOMORROW!!”
Grampa Milt : “SHADDUP!! I COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW!!”
Ricky : “Well okay then… Scratch away, old man.”

Ricky : “Grandma made us go through stuff again! Every time we go to her house, we have to go through stuff and bring things home! Aunt Carolyn found her glass animal collection in the attic. So many of the animals have broken legs… and heads!! Aunt Carolyn, did they get broken in the attic??”
Aunt Carolyn : “No.. They were broken before…”
Ricky : “And you saved them? Why did you save them if they’re broken??”
Aunt Carolyn : “Because they’re so cute! LOOK!” **holds tiny animal head in her hand**
Ricky : “Bleh!”

Ricky : “I like these glass animals! Especially the duck butt!!”
Me : “These ones have always been my favorite, too. I could never touch them though… Aunt Carolyn always knew if I touched them…”
Ricky : “Were you covered in dirt all the time?? Like Pigpen from Charlie Brown?? How would she know if you touched them??!”
Me : “I don’t know how she knew but she did.. It was eerie!”

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Hurry Up and Wait

Ricky : “Is it ready yet?? My cup is ready..”
Me : “No! For the twentieth time, It’s NOT ready. It’s cold brewed coffee! It takes at least twelve hours to brew!”
Ricky : “How is this an upgrade from our Keurig??!! That one was like magic! BAM! There’s your coffee!!”
Me : “This makes better coffee,  and it’s better for the environment. AND grinding the coffee with the hand grinder is sort of like exercise…”
Ricky : “Yeah.. Sure.. You’ll be whining soon that your arm hurts..”
Me : “Shhh..”
Ricky : “It’s true!”
Me : “I know, but shush!”

Aside

The Dover Carnival

Ricky : “Tonight  we went to the Dover Carnival. This carnival raises money for the Town of Dover’s Fire Department,  J.H. Ketcham Hose Company Inc. We don’t have paid firefighters in our town. Everything is volunteer. They are always looking for more Volunteers, right Mom?!”
Me : “Yes they are!”

Ricky : “These were the only games I could play. I wanted to play bingo but I’m too young! They would arrest me and throw me in the slammer!!”
Me : “I don’t know that they would throw you in jail but it is illegal for anyone under 18 to play bingo in NY because it’s considered gambling..”
Ricky : “That’s stupid!”

Ricky : “I would totally ride on that but the guy in charge of the ride looks a little sketchy…”

Ricky : “This is Dawn. She’s very nice. She told me several times she’s my #1 fan.”
Me : “She did not say that..”
Ricky : “Shhh!! Mom!! I want them to think I have a rabid stalker fan like Kathy Bates in Misery..”
Me : “OMG..”

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A Wiener Wednesday Wacking??

Ricky : “Mom..? If I dropped this Sonny Angel on the floor do you think Dallas would eat him?!”
Me : “What do YOU think??!”
Ricky : “I’m going to hold onto him really tight but if he gets fresh I may accidentally drop him on purpose!”
Me : “Sounds like a good plan.”