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An Update From Ricky

Bixby : “Sooo Ricky… You gotta let everyone know that we haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth!”
Ricky : “I know! Grandma was complaining to Mom the other day that no one sees us anymore…”
F!zz & Ricca Riccolina : “Soooooo… Spill it, Ricky.”
Ricky : “Grandma had surgery today. She was telling everyone she was getting a vasectomy, but apparently ladies can’t have those. Anyways…. She had another type of -ectomy. A LUMPectomy.”
Bixby : “So her surgery went well?”
Ricky : “Yup. She was even cracking dirty jokes! Grandma is a firecracker! A little bit of bad boob cells aren’t gonna dull her sparkle!”
Bixby : “Nope. She’s amazing.”
Ricky : “She is.”

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A Grumpy Goodbye

Ricky : “Today the world lost a very famous, celebrity cat, Tardar Sauce aka Grumpy Cat. My mom always says that the grumpy people seem to live forever… Mom was wrong this time because Tartar was only 7 years old. That’s pretty young for a cat, I think. Maybe Tartar wasn’t really grumpy?? Maybe she just had resting grump face?! Anyways.. Tartar, you made a lot of people smile with your grumpiness. You will be missed. Also, If cats are in the same Heaven as dogs, tell Penelope, Sophie, Snickers, and Cheerio I said hello.”

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Jeepers Creepers

Ricky : “So Paige gave you candy for Mother’s Day and Gillian made you this??!”
Me : “Yep.”
Ricky : “Is this one of those things where the eyes follow you around the room??”
Me : “Nooo. I don’t believe so..”
Ricky : “It’s freaking me out a little bit. I may need something sweet to calm down.. Do you have any of that candy left??”
Me : “Nope.”
Ricky : “GAH! Happy Mother’s Day!”
Me : “Thank you!”

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Sk8er Grl

Me : “Ricky?? How’s the skating coming along??”
Ricky : “I’m getting the hang of it, I think. If I get good, can I go skating with you guys??!! I’m tired of being left behind all the time!!”
Me : “We’ll see. The only problem is we go to Roller Magic on the adult skate night.. You might not pass as an adult..”
Ricky : “How about I complain about those darn millennials!! Do you think I’ll pass then??!”
Me : “You might.. but I may duct tape your mouth..”
Ricky : “Maybe I’ll just draw on a mustache!”
Me : “That might work.”

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Toilet Paper for Daysssss!

Ricky : “My sister Paige is all about helping people and the environment. For Christmas all the gifts on her list, and the ones she bought for others, also gave back in some way. The other day she told my mom we needed to check out this toilet paper company. It’s called Who Gives A Crap. This toilet paper is made from 100% recycled paper and they donate 50% of their profits to help build toilets and improve sanitation in the developing world.”
Me : “It’s also super soft and wrapped in such pretty paper!”
Ricky : “I checked their site and they wrap the rolls in the pretty paper to keep them moisture free and hygenic!”
Me : “We could totally reuse these wrappers in gift bags instead of tissue paper!”
Ricky : “Yup! Lots of people do!! By the way, we totally have nothing to do with this company and we don’t want to sound all commercially!! We just wanted everyone to know about our cute toilet paper.”
Me : “If anyone wants to know more, here’s their U.S. web site, us.whogivesacrap.org

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Grumpelstiltskin

Ricky : “How’s it goin’ there, Grumpelstiltskin??!”
Sad Girl : “Eh… Things could be better… And you know that’s not my name Ricky…”
Ricky : “I know. I think it suits you though.. So what happened?? Why are you here for surgery? Did you have a face-first run-in with some high grit sandpaper??”
Sad Girl : “I don’t really remember.. I just remember thinking that my lips felt super chapped… Maybe I just need some lip balm…?”
Ricky : “Lip balm? I really don’t think lip balm is going to help you very much…”
Sad Girl : “You don’t think so?? Awwwww….”
Ricky : “Nooo. Lip balm won’t do much… My mom will though! She’ll make you feel like yourself again!”
Sad Girl : “I hope so.”
Ricky : “She will! She’s just got to get off her butt and get to work! The patient ahead of you has been waiting forever!! HURRY UP, MOM!! STOP BINGE WATCHING NETFLIX!! YOU’VE GOT TWO PATIENTS HERE!! ”
Me : “GAH!! Hold on!! I just need to finish this one series!”
Ricky to Sad Girl : “She does great work, she’s just easily distracted!”
Sad Girl : **sighs**

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Happy Mail Day

Ricky : “We got a belated Valentine’s Day card from our friends Christin and Steve! Steve is a dinosaur and Christin is NOT a dinosaur!”
Me : “Correct! Christin is NOT a dinosaur!”
Ricky : “Will she be one next month when it’s her birthday??!!”
Me : “Absolutely not! She’s a few years younger than me..”
Ricky : “So she’s almost a dinosaur…?”
Me : “NO!”