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Town Fair Tire

Ricky : “Today we went with my sister Paige to the tire shop. She had to get her nuts tightened… Mom..?”
Me : “If you’re going to say anything remotely off-color about your sister and her ‘nuts’ I don’t want to hear it!!”
Ricky : “Ehhhhhh… You got me!”
Me : “I know how you think!”
Ricky : “Do you also know that I’m tired? That being here is very tiresome?  Also, I think I’m wearing the wrong attire for this tire shop!”
Me : “You’re punny..”
Ricky : “One day I’ll retire and I’ll be punny all the time!!”
Me : *groans*

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Or Maybe She’s a Pirate in Lederhosen..?

Ricky : “Isa? Who’s this kid??”
Isa : “I don’t know, Ricky!! I thought she was with you!”
Ricky : “She looks like an 80s’ kid.. Maybe she’s looking for Blythecon Brooklyn..?? They’re doing an 80s’ theme..”
Isa : “Maybe… She’s a little bit early though.. That’s not until October..”
Ricky : “KID! You’re early and you’re in the wrong place! Donations are coming here, not people! Brooklyn is two hours away by car, but if you start walking now, you’ll make it by October! BYE!!”
Isa : “That’s a little harsh Ricky..”
Ricky : “I’m stressed Isa!! That convention is coming up really fast!!”

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Hurry Up and Wait

Ricky : “Is it ready yet?? My cup is ready..”
Me : “No! For the twentieth time, It’s NOT ready. It’s cold brewed coffee! It takes at least twelve hours to brew!”
Ricky : “How is this an upgrade from our Keurig??!! That one was like magic! BAM! There’s your coffee!!”
Me : “This makes better coffee,  and it’s better for the environment. AND grinding the coffee with the hand grinder is sort of like exercise…”
Ricky : “Yeah.. Sure.. You’ll be whining soon that your arm hurts..”
Me : “Shhh..”
Ricky : “It’s true!”
Me : “I know, but shush!”

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A Wiener Wednesday Wacking??

Ricky : “Mom..? If I dropped this Sonny Angel on the floor do you think Dallas would eat him?!”
Me : “What do YOU think??!”
Ricky : “I’m going to hold onto him really tight but if he gets fresh I may accidentally drop him on purpose!”
Me : “Sounds like a good plan.”

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Ricky and the Seven Dwarves

Me : “Hey Ricky, who are your new friends?”
Ricky : “From the left this is Shy Guy, Achoo, Giggles, Dingbat, Four Eyes, Bags, and Crab Ass.”
Me : “Uhhh.. I don’t think that’s really their names!”
Ricky : “Mom. I can call them whatever I want! They called ME a Ho!”
Me : “I don’t think they called you a Ho…”
Ricky : “They said ‘Hi, Ho!’ I heard them!”
Me : “That’s just a song they sing when it’s off to work they go…”
Ricky : “Ohhhhh….”

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Full of Hot Air

Ricky : “Today Mom brought me to the Hudson Valley Hot-Air Balloon Festival to scare the crap out of me with a scary balloon!! Look at him!! He’s gonna eat me!!”
Me : “He’s not going to eat you..”
Ricky : “He’s going to pop and fall down and smother me!!”
Me : “No he isn’t!!”
Ricky : “He’s got flames going up his butt, Mom! He’s the devil!!”
Me : “Omg! There are flames because he’s a hot air ba…. Eh, you know what?! Nevermind. He IS the devil and he’s going to eat you.”
Ricky : “MOM! STOP!”

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Aunt Mary

Ricky : “Today we are going to say goodbye to my Great Aunt Mary. She went up to heaven unexpectedly. She was always laughing, right Mom?”
Me : “Yes, she was! She used to get us into so much trouble with her giggle fits! My dad was super strict at the dinner table. You couldn’t joke around. We would wait until my dad’s head was down and we’d throw rolls across the table. Aunt Mary would get laughing so hard she would excuse herself by saying she had to use the bathroom, and go laugh in there! He probably thought she had a stomach problem because she excused herself so many times!”
Ricky : “Do you think she’s up there with Grandpa? Do you think she’s giggling??”
Me : “She probably is!”
Ricky : “Remember when she came down to visit and I was the first person she wanted to see?!”
Me : “I remember. You made her smile.”
Ricky : “I miss her.”
Me : “Me too.”