Aside

Small Discoveries

Ricky : “Mom? Why are you not using that shelf on the fridge door??”
Me : “What shelf??! I’m using all the shelves!!”
Ricky : “Nuh uh. It’s empty!! Look!”
Me : **bends down to look** “What the heck?? I didn’t even know there was a shelf there!!”
Ricky : “It’s like that dream.. You know the one where all of a sudden you find this whole other area of your house that you never knew existed!! Except this is a tiny shelf, not a big room…”
Me : “I would rather have found a big room..”
Ricky : “We can store Twizzlers on that shelf!”
Me : “They don’t go in the fridge..”
Ricky : “Stop being such a negative Nelly, Mom!”

OUTTAKES – DALLAS PHOTOBOMB

 

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Aside

Hunting the Elusive Kenner Blythe

Ricky : “Today we are at the Elephant’s Trunk Flea Market in New Milford, Connecticut. HGTV comes here sometimes and films the show Flea Market Flip.. They aren’t here today though, right Mom?”
Me : “Yeah. They aren’t here today. I’ve never seen them here actually..”
Ricky : “So maybe they’re lying, you think??!”
Me : “Nooo, lol! They aren’t lying. I’ve seen the episodes where they’ve been here! We’ve just never been here when they were filming..”

Ricky : “Today we’re looking for a Kenner Blythe, but all we’re finding is crap!”
Me : “Omg.. It’s not crap! It’s just not what we want!”
Ricky : “Because we don’t want crap!”
Me : “Well, yeah.. I really don’t want crap..”

Ricky : “Daddy is looking at the knock-off sunglasses.. Daddy never learns, does he?!”
Me : “I think he’s learned.. He won’t buy a pair. I keep bringing up the fake Ray Bans he bought at the dollar store that made him see double..”

Ricky : “What the heck are those things??!”
Me : “Uhhhh.. We used to hang them in our bedrooms when we were kids… They were cool..”
Ricky : “Yeah.. Sure they were..”

Ricky : “Okay… I’m actually liking these big metal flowers!”
Me : “They are sort of neat.”

Ricky : “Look at this guy comin’ over here??! Mr. Wheeler Dealer! Let me talk to him!! Pretend you’re a ventriloquist!!”
Me : “Okay!”

Ricky : “Uhhhh… Nevermind.. Let’s not do the ventriloquist thing… Someone here is NOT a fan..”

Ricky : “Do you have something old? Is it metal?? Bring it to the flea market!! Some moron will buy it!”
Me : “RICKY!!”
Ricky : “It’s true!!”

Ricky : “CHEEZITS?!! WHY??!!”
Me : “They are probably expired..”
Ricky : “There’s also a sign that says ’empty boxes 4 sale’…. This booth is strange on so many levels..”

Ricky : “Lunch boxes.”
Dad : “I remember these! They would come with gum..”
Me : “No they didn’t!! They came with a thermos, not gum! Why would you think they came with gum??! Baseball cards came with gum, not lunchboxes..”
Dad : “Mine came with gum..”
Me : “Your mother probably slipped that gum in there.. She felt sorry for you..”
Dad : “Maybe..”
Ricky : “Wow Mom…”
Me : “All I know is mine never had gum!”

Ricky : “We didn’t buy a darn thing here except a $5 lemonade that Mom had to have!”
Me : “It was hot and I was thirsty..”

Aside

Birthday Dinner at Grandma’s House

Ricky : “Today is Grampa’s birthday. He’s 93 years old! Every year we get him scratch off lottery tickets and he sits and scratches them all off! YOU AREN’T GOING TO HAVE ANY TO SCRATCH OFF FOR TOMORROW, GRAMPA MILT!!!”
Grampa Milt : “WHHAAATT???!”
Ricky : “I SAID DON’T SCRATCH THEM ALL!! SAVE SOME FOR TOMORROW!!”
Grampa Milt : “SHADDUP!! I COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW!!”
Ricky : “Well okay then… Scratch away, old man.”

Ricky : “Grandma made us go through stuff again! Every time we go to her house, we have to go through stuff and bring things home! Aunt Carolyn found her glass animal collection in the attic. So many of the animals have broken legs… and heads!! Aunt Carolyn, did they get broken in the attic??”
Aunt Carolyn : “No.. They were broken before…”
Ricky : “And you saved them? Why did you save them if they’re broken??”
Aunt Carolyn : “Because they’re so cute! LOOK!” **holds tiny animal head in her hand**
Ricky : “Bleh!”

Ricky : “I like these glass animals! Especially the duck butt!!”
Me : “These ones have always been my favorite, too. I could never touch them though… Aunt Carolyn always knew if I touched them…”
Ricky : “Were you covered in dirt all the time?? Like Pigpen from Charlie Brown?? How would she know if you touched them??!”
Me : “I don’t know how she knew but she did.. It was eerie!”

Aside

The Dover Carnival

Ricky : “Tonight  we went to the Dover Carnival. This carnival raises money for the Town of Dover’s Fire Department,  J.H. Ketcham Hose Company Inc. We don’t have paid firefighters in our town. Everything is volunteer. They are always looking for more Volunteers, right Mom?!”
Me : “Yes they are!”

Ricky : “These were the only games I could play. I wanted to play bingo but I’m too young! They would arrest me and throw me in the slammer!!”
Me : “I don’t know that they would throw you in jail but it is illegal for anyone under 18 to play bingo in NY because it’s considered gambling..”
Ricky : “That’s stupid!”

Ricky : “I would totally ride on that but the guy in charge of the ride looks a little sketchy…”

Ricky : “This is Dawn. She’s very nice. She told me several times she’s my #1 fan.”
Me : “She did not say that..”
Ricky : “Shhh!! Mom!! I want them to think I have a rabid stalker fan like Kathy Bates in Misery..”
Me : “OMG..”

Aside

We Went to Kent

Ricky : “Today we are visiting Kent, Connecticut. It’s an artsy, fartsy town..”
Me : “RICKY!! Don’t say that!”
Ricky : “But it is!!”
Me : “I know it is but you aren’t supposed to tell everyone that!”

Ricky : “Is this a llama or a giraffe?”
Me : “It’s short like a llama but I think it’s a giraffe because of the antenna looking things on its head..”
Ricky : “Giraffes have antennas??!”
Me : “I said antenna looking things… Not actual antennas. Giraffes have something on their heads… I don’t know what they are..”
Ricky : “And are they metal?? This one is metal..”
Me : “I know this one is metal! You know this is a sculpture and not an actual animal right?!
Ricky : “Ohhhhhhh…. Yeah… I knew that.”

Ricky : “This is the Cheese Market. Dad told Grandma to go inside and to ask them who cuts the cheese. He said for her to ask them if SHE could cut the cheese. Dad says Grandma is a master at cutting the cheese. Mom, Dad and my sister Paige all thought that was very funny and they laughed and laughed.. Why was that funny, Mom? I don’t see anything funny about cutting the cheese..”
Me : “Ohhhh.. Well… Cutting the cheese can be very funny.. Or embarrassing.. It depends on who is near you at the time..”
Ricky : “WHAAT??! You’re confusing me..”
Me : “Hey!! Look over there!! A book store!! Let’s go..”

Ricky : “Do think my book is in there??”
Me : “I doubt it’s in there.. I don’t think they know it exists..”
Ricky : “How about each of us goes in there, one at a time, and asks for it. They’ll see there’s a demand for it and they’ll order a hundred copies!”
Me : “I think that sounds a little suspicious..”
Ricky : “We could wear disguises!!”
Me : “Yeah. That won’t look suspect at all..”

Aside

And the Winner is….

Ricky : “Today we pick the winner of my book. Mom did all the hard stuff first. What did you do again, Mom?”
Me : “I copied all the comments from Instagram and all the comments from Facebook. I made sure all those people did what they were supposed to do. I made one long list of names and then I pasted it into the Random.org list randomizer.”
Ricky : “And now it’s my turn. I’m going to click the randomize button! How many times do I click it??”
Me : “Just once.”
Ricky : “Okaaayy… Heeerrrreee weeeee goooooooo!! **click**
Me : “Who won?!”
Ricky : “Joey Gomez won!! I know him! We met him in San Francisco! He had pink hair!”
Me : “Yes he did! Congratulations Joey! Send me a message with your mailing address and we’ll get this book out to you ASAP!”
Ricky : **runs to get pen to sign Joey’s book**

Aside

Another Sunday at Four Brothers

Ricky : “We came up to visit my sister at work and to get dinner. I’m getting pizza and a salad. They make their own dressing here. It’s really good!”
Me : “So you aren’t having ice cream?”
Ricky : “Of course I’m having ice cream!! Don’t be ridiculous!”

Ricky : “This is the bubble chair. Everyone likes to sit in it.”

Ricky : “It makes me feel really, really small! And that’s the truth!!” *blows raspberry* THBBPTHBPT!!”

Ricky : “Woo hoo!! They’ve got Phil and Josh singing tonight! They are really good! A little boy ran over and gave them a tip. I wanna do that too, but my pocketbook is just for show. There’s no money in there! I should probably get a job…”
Me : “Now there’s an idea!!”
Ricky : ((whispers)) “mom.. I don’t really mean it.. Please don’t make me get a job..”
Me : “omg.”