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The Snack That Smiles Back

Me : “Girls?? What is going on here..?”
Ricky : “Mother.. It looks to me like Lupita was trying to steal a snack and may have spilled the goldfish..”
Lupita : “Ricky! Getting the goldfish was YOUR idea! You said we had to sneak so Mom wouldn’t get sad since she can’t eat solid stuff for 10 weeks after her gum surgery!!”
Me : “You guys can have a snack. You don’t have to sneak things.. I’ll be fine. I actually ate a goldfish cracker the other day. I just put it in my mouth and let it dissolve…”
Ricky : “Oh. I’ll bet it was delicious..”
Me : “It was..”
Ricky to Lupita : **whispers** “See? I told you! She’s pathetic… This is why we were sneaking. Don’t spill it next time!”
Lupita : “Sorry.”

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The Solar Eclipse

Ricky : “This is fantastic, Latte!!”
Latte : “Can I have a turn??”
Ricky : “Hold on! I’ll describe it to you! The Sun looks very orange, and the Moon is slowly creeping across it.. It’s so cool!”
Latte : “Can I see??!”
Ricky : “In a little bit! You could probably look right at it without the glasses! You have no pupils!”
Latte : “The news people said EVERYONE needed glasses!”
Ricky : “Fake news!”
Me : “RICKY! That’s not fake news! Let Latte borrow the glasses to see the eclipse!”
Ricky : “Latte.. At 4pm I will let you borrow them forever.”
Latte : “Thank you.”
Me : “Ricky. The eclipse will be over by then. Hand them over.”
Ricky : “Pftttt, okay.”

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Department Store Challenge

Ricky : “Today’s challenge was to find a cute outfit for under $10 at the store whose name rhymes with Walmart..”
Me : “Uhh.. You said the name..”
Ricky : “Yeah… I was having a heck of a time rhyming something with Walmart.. ANYWAYS! Challenge accepted and challenge accomplished!! My hat cost $3.88, my dress was $1.97, and my glasses were $2.97!”
Me : “Great job!”
Ricky : “Thank you! I had to take the lenses out of these glasses because they aren’t my prescription…”
Me : “You have prescription glasses??”
Ricky : “I don’t usually wear glasses.. I wear handcrafted contact lens chips. I’m fancy.”
Me : “Oh.”

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Town Fair Tire

Ricky : “Today we went with my sister Paige to the tire shop. She had to get her nuts tightened… Mom..?”
Me : “If you’re going to say anything remotely off-color about your sister and her ‘nuts’ I don’t want to hear it!!”
Ricky : “Ehhhhhh… You got me!”
Me : “I know how you think!”
Ricky : “Do you also know that I’m tired? That being here is very tiresome? ¬†Also, I think I’m wearing the wrong attire for this tire shop!”
Me : “You’re punny..”
Ricky : “One day I’ll retire and I’ll be punny all the time!!”
Me : *groans*

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Or Maybe She’s a Pirate in Lederhosen..?

Ricky : “Isa? Who’s this kid??”
Isa : “I don’t know, Ricky!! I thought she was with you!”
Ricky : “She looks like an 80s’ kid.. Maybe she’s looking for Blythecon Brooklyn..?? They’re doing an 80s’ theme..”
Isa : “Maybe… She’s a little bit early though.. That’s not until October..”
Ricky : “KID! You’re early and you’re in the wrong place! Donations are coming here, not people! Brooklyn is two hours away by car, but if you start walking now, you’ll make it by October! BYE!!”
Isa : “That’s a little harsh Ricky..”
Ricky : “I’m stressed Isa!! That convention is coming up really fast!!”

Aside

Hunting the Elusive Kenner Blythe

Ricky : “Today we are at the Elephant’s Trunk Flea Market in New Milford, Connecticut. HGTV comes here sometimes and films the show Flea Market Flip.. They aren’t here today though, right Mom?”
Me : “Yeah. They aren’t here today. I’ve never seen them here actually..”
Ricky : “So maybe they’re lying, you think??!”
Me : “Nooo, lol! They aren’t lying. I’ve seen the episodes where they’ve been here! We’ve just never been here when they were filming..”

Ricky : “Today we’re looking for a Kenner Blythe, but all we’re finding is crap!”
Me : “Omg.. It’s not crap! It’s just not what we want!”
Ricky : “Because we don’t want crap!”
Me : “Well, yeah.. I really don’t want crap..”

Ricky : “Daddy is looking at the knock-off sunglasses.. Daddy never learns, does he?!”
Me : “I think he’s learned.. He won’t buy a pair. I keep bringing up the fake Ray Bans he bought at the dollar store that made him see double..”

Ricky : “What the heck are those things??!”
Me : “Uhhhh.. We used to hang them in our bedrooms when we were kids… They were cool..”
Ricky : “Yeah.. Sure they were..”

Ricky : “Okay… I’m actually liking these big metal flowers!”
Me : “They are sort of neat.”

Ricky : “Look at this guy comin’ over here??! Mr. Wheeler Dealer! Let me talk to him!! Pretend you’re a ventriloquist!!”
Me : “Okay!”

Ricky : “Uhhhh… Nevermind.. Let’s not do the ventriloquist thing… Someone here is NOT a fan..”

Ricky : “Do you have something old? Is it metal?? Bring it to the flea market!! Some moron will buy it!”
Me : “RICKY!!”
Ricky : “It’s true!!”

Ricky : “CHEEZITS?!! WHY??!!”
Me : “They are probably expired..”
Ricky : “There’s also a sign that says ’empty boxes 4 sale’…. This booth is strange on so many levels..”

Ricky : “Lunch boxes.”
Dad : “I remember these! They would come with gum..”
Me : “No they didn’t!! They came with a thermos, not gum! Why would you think they came with gum??! Baseball cards came with gum, not lunchboxes..”
Dad : “Mine came with gum..”
Me : “Your mother probably slipped that gum in there.. She felt sorry for you..”
Dad : “Maybe..”
Ricky : “Wow Mom…”
Me : “All I know is mine never had gum!”

Ricky : “We didn’t buy a darn thing here except a $5 lemonade that Mom had to have!”
Me : “It was hot and I was thirsty..”

Aside

Birthday Dinner at Grandma’s House

Ricky : “Today is Grampa’s birthday. He’s 93 years old! Every year we get him scratch off lottery tickets and he sits and scratches them all off! YOU AREN’T GOING TO HAVE ANY TO SCRATCH OFF FOR TOMORROW, GRAMPA MILT!!!”
Grampa Milt : “WHHAAATT???!”
Ricky : “I SAID DON’T SCRATCH THEM ALL!! SAVE SOME FOR TOMORROW!!”
Grampa Milt : “SHADDUP!! I COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW!!”
Ricky : “Well okay then… Scratch away, old man.”

Ricky : “Grandma made us go through stuff again! Every time we go to her house, we have to go through stuff and bring things home! Aunt Carolyn found her glass animal collection in the attic. So many of the animals have broken legs… and heads!! Aunt Carolyn, did they get broken in the attic??”
Aunt Carolyn : “No.. They were broken before…”
Ricky : “And you saved them? Why did you save them if they’re broken??”
Aunt Carolyn : “Because they’re so cute! LOOK!” **holds tiny animal head in her hand**
Ricky : “Bleh!”

Ricky : “I like these glass animals! Especially the duck butt!!”
Me : “These ones have always been my favorite, too. I could never touch them though… Aunt Carolyn always knew if I touched them…”
Ricky : “Were you covered in dirt all the time?? Like Pigpen from Charlie Brown?? How would she know if you touched them??!”
Me : “I don’t know how she knew but she did.. It was eerie!”